Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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