Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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