I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
