i was born a porn star she said
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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