I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
