Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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