You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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