They should really pass out barf bags in church
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm too high and old for this...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
