When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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