i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
