my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
how do flat chested girls get laid?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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