We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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