Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Randomize
