Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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