last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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