i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
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You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
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I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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