I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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