Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
