you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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