We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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