hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
