So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
