she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
