boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
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he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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