I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
