I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
