Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
