i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
