Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
