respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
