he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
