Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
