I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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