i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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