The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
