is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
