i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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