I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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