just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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