my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
