i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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