He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
