Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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