a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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