you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
