I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
