Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
