we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
