I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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