Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
