Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
