He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
