How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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