Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
