This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize