i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
