Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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