he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
