I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
