Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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