We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
