I wish you could order shots online.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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