Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
