some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
