So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
