OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
