apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
