I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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