This is not my ceiling
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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