I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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