She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
