i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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