WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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