Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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