You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
tonight lets celebrate not being married
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
