I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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