I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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