in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
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Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My life is pants optional.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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