Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
