The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
