their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
