well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
